The Benefits of Dolphin Milk

GUERT
2 min readMar 6, 2023

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According to Chat GPT:

“There is no scientific evidence to suggest that drinking dolphin milk has any health benefits. In fact, it is not recommended for humans to consume dolphin milk, as it is not meant for human consumption and may contain harmful pathogens and contaminants.

Dolphin milk is also not readily available, as dolphins only produce a small amount of milk for their calves, and it would be unethical and impractical to try to extract it for human consumption.

It is important to note that consuming dolphin milk or any other marine mammal product may also be illegal in certain countries, as many species of dolphins and other marine mammals are protected under national and international laws.

Therefore, it is best to stick to more conventional sources of milk and other dairy products that are safe and readily available for human consumption.”

I’d like to counter this, if I may.

Fist of all, dolphin milk is healthy for all growing organisms, not limited to humans or humanoid cybernetic organisms. Growing research from the Institute of Technology for Milked Porpoise (ITMP) has concluded that any research firm can create a wealth of knowledge based upon guesswork. Why would anyone even think to drink dolphin milk? The answer may lie in a deep-rooted desire to explore other planets. It is possible that to travel not only within our own solar system, but vast interstellar distances, could be rendered impossible unless the humanoid is completely submerged in dolphin, or whale milk. But studies have also shown that what you read on the Internet is likely true. Or it isn’t. It’s not always boolean, but sometimes it can be compared to Chindogu. Choose your path wisely, or run out of dolphin milk. The choice is yours.

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GUERT
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The Art of Shitposting + Tales from Silicon Valley